Archive for the ‘calypte’ Category

calypte 22nd June

Really being struck at the moment how much perception colours everything. I’m still not getting enough sleep – I was in bed earlier, and even managed the lights out sharper, but it’s a work in progress! – and being tired is a quick path to lousy moods. But, half an hour journalling this morning and I was feeling much more upbeat. I think it was focusing on writing, something I’m taking actual steps with now, opening up a feeling of possibility rather than all the stuff that’s not moving forward right now.

Because yes, I did day 1 of my 100 day challenge! Felt really good to colour in the first yellow square in my BuJo tracker this month 🙂 Found the smallest step/goal I could think of – opening Scrivener and typing something – and that’s lifted any pressure to be ‘good’ or super-productive. See, I can learn! 😉

I’ve also been reading about writing, and remembered how important an external factor can be in motivation. It’s a bit like my healthy eating plans: I *know* what I should be doing, and tons of reasons why, but it was the spur of seeing/tasting someone else cooking healthy food that got me going so well last summer.

One of today’s tasks is the meal plan for the coming week. I do make quite a chore out of this, but an enjoyable one – good to feel in control. So first, list out what I still have that needs used. Check the weather – is it going to be a salad or a soup week? I’m hoping the former, as I’ve been looking at salad recipes and feeling very inspired! Then, list out meals-per-day, as otherwise the grand ideas can take over. I’d like to spiralise something this week, but will I really want that and salad on the same day? And roasted veggies sound fab – but again, will they fit to a plan?! LOL!

First thing: decide if I’m going to the relaxation hour ahead of my counselling appointment. Because if I am, I need to move soon!

 

calypte 21st June

Happy Solstice, everyone!

Spent a good chunk of this morning journalling, and went from “I’m a bit fed up I should do something” to feeling like there’s a zillion things I want to do and make a start on right now. Given a lack of sleep last night – I was still overheated, and I’m still refusing to switch the light off until ridiculous hours, d’oh! – I imagine some of this might crash and burn early on (like, gimme 10 mins…! 😉 ), but hey – I’ll take what I can get!

My main thought stream is around consistency, something I’ve always sucked at. I’m quite the dilettante, really, interested in 90 things and so flicking from one to the next as soon as anything requires effort. Well, that’s me being harsh on myself!

To counter that, yesterday was my 100th day of meditation in a row – woo! Not the first time I’ve hit that target, but first time since switching to Insight Timer last November. Two things from that: (1) that I totally can stick to things when (a) I want to, and (b) I make it easy on myself – 5 mins was enough to trigger a ‘tick’, for those days when I just didn’t feel it. So, no reason I can’t apply this to other things!

(2) was the topic of the meditation. The 365 challenge is having a ‘forgiveness’ week, which I really don’t care for. So, I looked elsewhere in the app and found a ‘Perfect Week’ set just starting, and have really enjoyed it both days so far! Yesterday’s take away for me was that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about recognising that you’ve become distracted and returning again and again but – important bit! – without beating yourself up about wandering off. Lightbulb moment: that isn’t just about meditating, it’s also healthy eating, exercise, sticking to goals, etc.

So. My usual want in this situation is to throw myself at everything – coding, writing, drawing, etc – because hey, I can’t choose! But I realise that’s daft. I might try to do a few things today, see what resonates most, but I’m thinking writing might be my ‘new’ 100 day challenge. Camp NaNo starts soon anyway, and I was thinking about trying a daily writing goal. Same ‘rules’ as the meditation: 5 minutes is totally fine, if that’s all I’m up for any particular day.

 

IMG_20170621_095427602I think this is me recommitting to my BuJo tracker, in a way, as well as resurrecting my LETS idea – Lowest Effort Turtle Steps (TM? 😉 ). It’s definitely me recognising that little and consistent is the approach I need to get past pretty much all of those ‘fed up’ things.

Feels like good timing, with the Solstice – and 100 days takes me to a little past my birthday, as it happens. And awful timing, given health stuff still being so unsettled. But, right now I’m glad to have a sense of getting on with stuff, or at least a plan to do so, even if it gets interrupted, rather than just waiting. Onwards!

 

 

calypte 19th June

The news is definitely a thing to avoid these days. Awful, awful times.

Enjoying the second of my planned lazy days after some late nights. Friday evening I joined my cinema buddies in St Andrew’s Square to watch Labyrinth on the big outdoor screen – it was fun, albeit probably the worst of the 3-day ‘festival’ to have picked. Also noted that the city centre is getting ‘that way’ – which is to say, the start of the couple of months locals usually want to avoid it! I do love my city, and the festivals are part of that, but oy, when it gets that busy!!

It’s also been swelteringly hot. I feel a bit guilty for largely avoiding the great outdoors, given my vitamin D issues, but…! Hmm. Absolutely stewed on Saturday anyway, first just standing at the bus stop, then lugging snack supplies around for the ‘watchathon’ – half a series of American Gods. Overate like mad, so on a bit of a relieved-cutting-back – albeit with a bit of leftover pizza 😉

Not sure when I’ll get my thyroid function test results back, but fingers crossed they’ll agree to up my thyroxine dose. I do think it’s having a bit of an effect, but not as much as I’d like. Still, not thinking too much about medical stuff right now if I can help it!

Today:

  • laundry
  • make spicy tomato chicken (very healthy!)? Might leave it ’til tomorrow
  • detroll
  • watch something – finish Arrow, perhaps?
  • another review
  • meditation
  • earlier night

calypte 15th June

Another lovely no-plans day, kicking off my 3 weeks with no planned medical anything – save, perhaps, news about increasing my thyroxine, after yesterday’s bloods? I’m hoping! Not allowing myself to expect to get out of the next surgery, but there’s nothing to do but wait for just now, and that’s okay 🙂

Felt good yesterday to manage the walk to/from the health centre – my exercise of late has been terribly sporadic, for obvious reasons, but it’s one of the biggies on my ‘post-everything’ list, so anything I can do now feels like a win! It did leave me pretty knackered, but a few hours in the house saw me okay to head to the cinema. Talked one of my friends into signing up for Meerkat Movies, and so can now get her in free to stuff on Tues/Weds, starting last night with a repeat of Wonder Woman – still very good! 🙂

Little bit of a panic this morning when my laptop failed to install last night’s Windows updates. I have a feeling that all is not right with something, but cannot muster the energy to do anything about it yet! Foresee a full system wipe and rebuild at some point. Meh.

Today:

  • meditation
  • review One of Us is Lying already! And maybe a catch-up older something, too
  • with pc issues, good time to backup stuff that isn’t already
  • Boots order – spent ages trying to get this done yesterday, only to discover I can’t use my vouchers online – argh!! So, smaller part of order and try for the rest in store when I collect o_O
  • wrap chocolates!
  • make yogurt
  • make stir fry
  • mp/sl
  • finish watching Horns – was more intriguing than I expected!
  • continue trying to get to bed a little earlier

calypte 13th June

Even though there’s almost less ‘certainty’ than there has been, I feel a bit like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I still mostly expect to be heading for surgery – happy to be proved wrong, but not pinning my hopes on avoiding it – but other than a blood test tomorrow for my thyroid function, I now have three weeks of calm and nothing happening, and knowing I’m not about to get ‘summoned’. Heck, even the jury excusal came through yesterday! 🙂

So, I can relax a bit, and also maybe get ’round to doing something – I feel like I’ve been holding my breath and just let it out, a little. Lots of possibles: that watercolour book course, an online computer game thing that pinged my inbox last week, always the writing (although the outline course never materialised – very odd).

More immediately, today is an indoors day – feel like I might do better with the balance this week – after a bit of a walk yesterday between food and cinema. Gifted was quite lovely – SL, definitely recommended as a ‘mum movie’ 😉 I also ate far too much sweet stuff, so despite the cake I was sent from sm yesterday, today can only be better – fridge is a little over-full of stuff that could do with being used NOW, so will see what I can do! Again, no longer have to shop with half a mind on ‘oh, but when will I have to abandon everything for a bit’ o_O

Today, then:

  • loads of reviews to catch up with
  • look into the coding course Ah, it was a paid-for one. I can find better!
  • bit of binge watching?
  • eat mindfully
  • meditation

calypte 12th June

Updated news: there is a small chance, it seems, that I could actually avoid having the PTH surgery. I’m being asked if I’m okay to wait an extra month to let the vitamin D tablets have more effect – theory being that if the problems are all recent enough, fixing my very low levels of vitD might actually reverse the PTH swelling. No sure thing, might already be fully ‘broken’, but as long as I don’t mind postponing the operation then they can test my calcium and make a better call at that point.

Of course, the original message via the GP was a little more garbled (just “prob no surgery” kind of thing), but the above is from the surgeon and makes a lot more sense! She also suggested I keep my vocal chord check appointment, so that if the tests are not favourable I can still get into surgery pretty quickly. Given I still have to sort the thyroxine levels, this seems more than reasonable!

In the meantime, trying my best to have fun, while still balancing the exhaustion. Ended up getting caught in the Robbie Williams/Murrayfield traffic coming home, so *very* late night with an extra hour’s not-exactly-travel. Eeep! Just like I’d been at a real gig, right?! LOL! Actually, the Take That show was a lot of fun, despite not being a huge fan. Lots of cool costumes on the dancers, a good mix of old and new, and some laughs with the company.

Saturday was then slightly weary scones, the (rather disappointing) art show, walking in the sun (lovely, but tough in my current condition), more cake, and the chance to buy some birthday and father’s day chocs. Also popped into the supermarket for some salad, since the weather had improved, and ended up bumping into a colleague for a long natter. All good, but wow, was I shattered afterwards!

Tonight I’ve got tickets to the Unlimited screening of Gifted, which I’m not too fussed about, tbh (child actors, bleh!) but it comes with free sweets 😉

calypte 9th June

Interesting to see the viewpoints on the result last night. I must confess, I’m in the ‘anyone but Tory’ group, so am kind of pleased that the arrogance of the snap election backfired. Also shocked that so much of Scotland voted blue – what the heck?! To be honest, I don’t think it’ll impact Brexit negatively – I think May was a dreadful negotiator for any of this, and if she gets her wilder ideas voted down that’s a good thing, imo.

Anyway. I’m declaring today a HUGE win for FTF, in that I have spent most of the bloomin’ morning making exactly the kind of phone calls I hate. So, remember I was expecting my next op any time this month? Got a letter saying I needed a vocal chord check first, since they’ve been ‘playing’ with the other side of my neck already, and then an appointment came through for that – for mid-JULY! Wtf?! Really, really annoyed that this apparently ‘routine’ procedure wasn’t even mentioned until I was 2 months into the waiting list – argh!! Luckily, I had an appointment with the counsellor at Maggies yesterday, and he was great at validating my ‘this is not on’ feelings, and talking me through what I should do. So, loads of phone calls later, and I’m going private to get the check done next week, not next month. Still.

Don’t know if all this stress – oh, and another jury summons, ffs!! – has added to my feelings of utter exhaustion this week, but it’s been a toughy. Could almost fancy a month of knowing nothing else is going to happen, tbh… o_O

Tonight, though, is the Big Gig – hah! Turns out Robbie Williams is actually playing live in Murrayfield tonight, so I’m hoping not to get snagged up in the traffic for that going to the Take That live screening! Still not a huge fan of the band, but there’s four of us going and seven for dinner beforehand, so should be a good giggle.

Tomorrow’s plans include free scones at John Lewis, and weather plus energy permitting, perhaps a look at the Leith Makers’ Market – never been, sounds intriguing. Not sure if there are cinema plans; The Mummy would be the choice, despite poor reviews. Oh, and Baywatch was very, very daft 😉

Hope you all have lovely weekends!