Archive for the ‘calypte’ Category

calypte 29th March

My news: going back to work tomorrow! Feels about right. Okay, I’m probably going to be exhausted for a while, but I’m doing a phased return (again. With another due later in the year! o_O) and it might help just generally, methinks, with getting my life somewhat back in order (and, fighting the ‘what’s the point?’ feeling!). I’m really looking forward to being able to do the long walk home again, now that the weather’s improving – well, not this week 😉

Today’s forecast for rain suits my plan for a lazy day. Between the hospital on Monday (and 3 hours on buses – bit of a hitch getting home o_O) and yesterday’s lunch with folks followed by cinema (Hidden Figures – wonderful!) and yoga (looooove!), I am absolutely exhausted. Perhaps a work routine will at least help with the sleeping, I guess!

I think I’d like to try for a little more yoga today. I do a few poses every morning, but sessions like last night (which I am surprisingly un-achy after!) remind me of how much I love it and how much better I could be if I did it more than once a month! People have daily practices, which would be ideal, so maybe today’s challenge is to find one new pose to add to my current routine.

  • meditation / morning pages / neck exercises / stretches / more meditation
  • yoga
  • laundry
  • bleach washing machine
  • review Agents of Dreamland
  • possibly a bath
  • watch something(s)
  • early night!!

calypte 27th March

Glory be, I think I can see the start of signs of improvement in my energy levels – phew!! 🙂 Was at the cinema (Life – was okay, not a huge monster-flick fan) and stopped for food on Friday, then cinema again (repeat viewing of Beauty and the Beast since we missed the end first time ’round, thanks to a fire alarm!) followed by several hours of tea and chatting and book plotting – was wonderful!

Now, had a similar set up last weekend and woke up feeling broken on Sunday – this week, I got to late afternoon before that kind of ‘overdone it’ feel kicked in. That’s improvement!!

Of course, deciding to try out my ‘power hour’ on Sunday morning prob didn’t help. Felt like I got tons done, but really all I can remember is the dishes and starting to take photos of my shoe collection, by way of sorting. Then sat and simul-viewed (ie, me in my flat, friend in hers, pressing play at the same point!) another movie, Dreamscape, that I remembered vaguely fondly from my childhood. 1980s special effects aside, it wasn’t as awful as it could have seemed as a grown up! And dang, 30-year-old Dennis Quaid was hawt! Ahem 😉

Today I’m off to see the consultant/surgeon for the first time post-op, and can’t say I’m not a bit nervous. I want to be told my remaining thyroid lobe is working okay (or at least getting there), pathology from the removed half clear, and next surgery asap. Figures crossed, please! o_O

Otherwise, no real plans as with travelling and hanging around waiting rooms that’ll take up most of the afternoon. Once I have that over with, I can see how I feel for tai chi, and planning a phased return to work soon.

calypte 24th March

I find myself waking these days with a minor sense of panic: what day is it? What do I have to do today? etc etc. I’m certain getting to sleep earlier would help, but still working on that one o_O

Anyway, answer this morning was: Friday and nothing I ‘have to’, although plans are for the cinema tonight (Life – I’m not really a fan of scary movies, so we’ll see how that goes!) and might have a friend popping in for a coffee and to give me advice about eBay as a route towards decluttering. I do hate that ‘waiting to hear’ feeling, so trying to just noodle away in the meantime.

I’m pondering a new ‘system’ to try out for myself and my productivity. Ages ago, came across the idea of ‘Power Hour’: a set time to plough through a pile of chores rather than letting them seep into too much free time. And I’ve been trying to use my Bujo habit tracker to make sure I do a little of each of the things I consider important – meditation, exercise, coding, creativity – on as many days as possible. However, I have a suspicion that one of the reasons I often end up doing nothing is that I get that ‘false dichotomy’ of choice: I want to doodle, perhaps, but talk myself out of it as it would be ‘more important’ to do some coding or cleaning or whatever – and as I don’t really want to do that, I end up doing nothing.

So, combining the two, thinking about a ‘Scanner Stack hour’ – well, actually, more like several shorter sessions, as I increase energy (fingers crossed!) and focus. Set a time, and just do anything from my list (so step one: write list! :)) guilt-free, so to speak.

I’m thinking I might end up with three lists: chores, want-tos, and that in-between area, like review writing. Yeah, cynical side can see this one also falling by the wayside, but figure it might be worth the trial! It’s all about finding a productivity system that motivates me, rather than feeling like a chore – life shouldn’t be one giant to-do list!!

Anyway, short list today, with everything else being optional:

  • meditation / morning pages / neck exercises / stretches / more meditation
  • finish reading book
  • prescription
  • laundry
  • maybe sew some cress?
  • cinema
  • try to have lights off a bit early! o_O

Focus of the day: try to relax, and stop fretting about medical stuff (hah!) or work (sigh) – those things are not today.

 

calypte 22nd March

Got through my entire, if short, to-do list yesterday – feels good to have pitched my levels right, so will attempt to do the same today! And finally managing an early(ish) night was superb – more of that, methinks! Excellent excuse to take one of the many, MANY books I ‘need’ to get through to bed for a long reading session 🙂 Got another one from NetGalley this morning, which was a surprise as I was chancing my arm after previously being declined for a different copy of the same text – goes to show, don’t take these things personally! It might have been a geographical thing, I reckon.

Had a minor revelation this morning that I’m not being very good to myself with all the not-at-work angst. I think society (school onwards) trains us to suspect ourselves of laziness and malingering at every turn. So, instead of accepting that I am not well – and really, quelle surprise! – and being patient with myself, here I am fretting about everything that I’m not doing and piling on the guilt and ‘shoulds’ – not helpful!! o_O

Finding it easy to tie all this into the Joy Diet (I love it when I can make a self-help book relevant to myself!) and why ‘truth’ comes before ‘desire’. Sure, I want to be doing 100 things, but the reality is that I need rest. It’s super-frustrating, but I’m sure it’ll be much more helpful to relax and enjoy what I can do instead of getting stressed.

Anyway, after ‘more sleep’, my desires today include trying one of these UrsulaV/WilliamHannahUK-esque journal pages on the wacom, so will try and overcoming the fear procrastination! Was also half-considering the cinema, as I do still think I need to push myself a bit on the getting out/moving, but will have to see how I feel about that later.

  • meditation / morning pages / neck exercises / stretches / more meditation
  • laundry – nope, less in the basket than I thought o_O
  • mp/sl/what still needs used
  • plug in the wacom tablet (turtle step – trying the psychological approach ;))
  • little bit o’ coding
  • watch something (expiring?)
  • read
  • EARLY NIGHT! – although then couldn’t sleep, so meh 😦

calypte 21st March

Snow day! Well, not so much in Edinburgh – we did just have a big wave of it falling over the hill, but it’s not lying – but my dad has more than plenty, so we’re postponing his planned visit. That means unexpected unstructured time for me, which tends to feel like ‘playing hooky’ even when it’s nothing of the sort!

I’ve told work I won’t be back ’til after I’ve seen the consultant next week – and trying not to guilt, as 6 weeks after an op isn’t too awful! Sort of held it together through tai chi last night, but it was tough (and more of a talky class, at that), and still not sleeping great. So, a(nother) restful day doesn’t sound awful.

  • meditation / morning pages / neck exercises / stretches / more meditation
  • finish reading book
  • email work
  • dishes
  • handwash delicates
  • make soup? Loads of carrots to use, small experimental batch of something sounds good 🙂
  • start Collapsing Empire review
  • watch something
  • EARLY NIGHT!!!

calypte 20th March

Happy Equinox, you guys! Yet another better-than-Jan-1st excuse for a ‘new year’ fresh start feel 🙂

Bit of a mixed weekend. Saturday was good. I can be a bit ‘hmm’ over meeting up with the group from Maggies (they are all lovely, it’s just the shared b/g, perhaps?), but this was the right time to have some support from folk with a better idea of what I’m going through – one of the other girls is heading for surgery this week, in fact. The food was lovely, too, and no awkward “Please can we not share fishy tapas (spoons)” needed 😉

Before that, K and E had mentioned they were meeting for a writing session so I was able to spend an hour with them in the coffee shop I’ve been meaning to try for ages. Minimal actual writing done (but I now understand how Pokemon Go works a lot more ;)), but must have had an effect as had an actual plot idea last night which – glory! – has survived til today and needs written down asap 😉

Alas, maybe just from overdoing it a bit, or not 100% sure I haven’t done something odd with my tablets, but felt pretty bleugh yesterday and actually worse today – some of that down to not sleeping great last night, but still. So, now wondering if I ‘should’ postpone the rtw for another few days, which would also mean seeing the surgeon next Monday before I head back. Bleugh.

I’m still having ‘fresh start’ thoughts, though, albeit low key for today. Spent far too long playing silly computer games yesterday, and while yes I wasn’t feeling great, it yet again reminds me of how much time I waste on those instead of writing, doodling, watching some of the ton of TV (I actually do need to ‘declutter’ the Tivo box ahead of moving, after all!), reading, etc etc. So, pondering an outright ban for at least a few days, see how that goes.

Today is otherwise shy of plans beyond resting up, figuring out what I fancy for dinner, and heading to tai chi this evening. And an early night!!

 

calypte 17th March

Happy St Patrick’s Day 🙂

Running late today (although not as late as the post implies – silly thing stuck as draft!). Had a lousy night’s sleep, for no particular reason I can put my finger on, so after being awake for ages around the half five mark (thankfully all the negative doom-saying brain chatter disappeared like clammy mist with daylight!) I ended up shoving earplugs in and sleeping ’til almost 10am! Oops! o_O

Having company yesterday really cheered me up, so glad I’m heading out again this evening and tomorrow. It also makes it easier to face heading back to work – figure I’m (and they’re!) just going to have to accept that I’m not running on full steam for a while. But, might as well do what I can for the time between the surgeries, and hopefully after my next absence I will be ‘fixed’!

In the meantime, enjoying the Joy Diet-inspired ‘chasing my yearnings’, at least at little. Trying to get myself out of the habit of putting everything off, always – at least, the fun but often dismissed as ‘pointless’ stuff. This morning I woke with an urge to do an UrsulaV-style ‘journal’ page with the wacom, followed by an “oooh… aren’t inks great to paint with?!”. Figure this is because I missed the creativity ‘daily’ yesterday (and, to be frank, for about a week or more!?). Not entirely sure I’ll make time for those today, given my cinema plans and late start, but I am at least acknowledging 🙂

Another kind of creativity is cooking, and today I am chasing a random ‘might like to try that’ by drying my own raisins! Based on reading this, it’s hugely cost-inefficient, but I had a half-bunch of grapes that were a bit past their prime, the oven being on all afternoon can be in lieu of the heating, and figured why not? Will report back on the results 🙂

  • meditation / morning pages / neck exercises / stretches / more meditation
  • make raisins
  • send books-in-danger list to J – easier to send them off to ‘good homes’, like puppies 😉
  • little bit o’coding
  • emails x2
  • cinema
  • read
  • try for an earlier night, despite lie in