Had a lovely weekend through at my folks’ that’s really helped me calm down about the new job. Going shopping for new work clothes helped 😉 – I half jest, but changing my thinking from the ‘things I’m losing’ to ‘things I’m gaining’ has been surprisingly difficult! Anyway – getting there: and this isn’t just a new job, this is a whole new phase of my life. Huzzah!
With that thought, and knowing that my free time will be more precious soon, I have been rethinking the whole “What I want to achieve with my life”, and at the very least how I’m prioritising those things. I’ve been a bit of a slug this past while, and I’m determined to go forwards with a new job AND a focus on being happy – and that means doing stuff, which means being way more organised!
In the short term, certainly, I can see that spending all day in the office in front of a computer is an excellent opportunity to reconnect with my non-online hobbies in the evenings (and weekends). Cards and drawing and maybe even the guitar? I’ll be going back to more batch cooking on the weekends. I want to find a new exercise ‘regime’ that’s going to work for me, so even if I just schedule in one weekend visit for the foreseeable future, not stress myself out about evenings for the first couple of weeks.
Website building… hmm. Not entirely sure if/where this is going to fit. Best scenario: I’m learning stuff at work that clicks in with this. Worst: I never want to look at another computer. This week might be a good time to push on with learning the WordPress stuff!
This week – I’ve decided – should be more about fun rather than that last desperate scrabble to fit everything in. Dentist/hairdresser tomorrow, but otherwise more relax and enjoy – the opticians, for instance, can wait a couple of weeks (til a weekend… eeek!). That said, I’ve got such an urge to start clearing out my wardrobe… 😉
Snow day! I am super-glad I don’t have to be anywhere today: it’s blowing a proper blizzard out there and the roads are very white. After the laziest of lazy weekends (but very, very much needed – mental health break!) I had a head full of ‘shoulds’ but I have no problem sticking to the indoors ones today!
That weekend ‘off’ – although prompted by very blue feelings (weather? few too many lost sleeping hours? panic setting in re job?) – has helped me reset some thinking. Stuff like, the next job isn’t for life, so stop being so scared of applications; and that I can’t change all my bad habits in one massive go.
Read a very timely comment today (still picking away at Wishcraft, with slightly less enthusiasm – all this reading about goals is annoying when you don’t have big ones!): “Forget yourself for long enough and you’re shut your soul off”. Wow. I mean – that sounds like me: years, decades, of deliberately not thinking about what I want while I get on with what I felt I should be doing. Suddenly it makes sense to me that I can’t figure out what I want to do, or get on with doing any of the things I think I want…!
I’m boiling it all down to being gentle with myself: yes, I waste a heck of a lot of time (online!) but rather than berating myself totally and pushing to do more more more (and having weekends like the one just past!) I’m going to need to coax my enthusiasm for life back out of myself, I think. Five minutes here and there just dabbling with the various things on my ‘want to’ list, until I realise that it’s okay to do that, I don’t have to have huge goals for stuff to be ‘worth it’, and slowly transform my ‘default’ time-spending activities to more fun stuff.
Anyway, some stuff to think about:
- send off one application, maybe?!
first day of the 21-day meditation challenge!
second part of Shetland – it’s like the Scottish Wallander 🙂
re-tidy craft room
livingroom zumba in lieu of gym?
curl up and read another chunk of Catching Fire
- organise-y stuff
Howdie, peeps! 🙂 Realise I’ve gone a bit quiet of late – it’s been that sort of not wanting to set myself big goals kind of a time, where it’s more useful to pick away at stuff without making a big deal (or list!) out of them. I’m good with that, as long as I recognise which phase I’m in at any time!
After much humming and hawing, today I am Officially Job Hunting! CV has been updated and sent to a recruitment agent – goes against most of the ‘advice’, but I figure it’s a start and if I can find something without majorly stressing myself that’s only a good thing. Wish me luck!
Knock on effect, however, is that sense of being in limbo. I’m unsettled, a bit, not really knowing what to do with myself or when I’m going to be expected to jump. Makes me twitchy! So, I’ve found myself drawing up a list of useful little projects I could amuse myself with, including:
- create a ‘library’ database for myself: had to do some bookshelf reorganisation of late, and I do have just ‘hunners’ of books, and that’s before we start on the kindle freebies!! I have a spreadsheet (yay!) but it’s been in my mind for ages that a database is more appropriate. Add to this the ‘opportunity’ to learn Access – which is daft, considering I’ve worked as a SQL coder, and can’t use the more simple stuff!!
- revise data analysis stuff: I *think* I’m far enough away from the studies to be able to face this again! 😉 Thing is, DA stuff is all over my job history, but it’s not something I’m confident with any more. Starting already with a nice easy to read book!
- ditto coding; maybe other languages?
- project manage myself and my scanner tendencies: another of these things I’ve been meaning to get properly into, after all the study stuff was done. I want to reread the book (Refuse to Choose!) and then I get to play with notebooks and folders and dividers… yay! 😉 Plus I’m thinking this would be excellent in terms of ensuring my post-degree life *does* include all the ‘want tos’ I’ve been putting off for so many years…! 🙂
- actually get my recipe website up and running!
- all the usual: more cinema, more writing, more crafting, etc etc!
So no need to feel at any kind of loose end at all! Just the motivation to start?! 😉
Today has more immediate to-dos, too:
fire off CV #1 (!)
book train ticket
- nb melon
- January 3:
Morning all and Happy New Year’s Eve!! Hope you’ve all been enjoying the festive season… we don’t have any plans for tonight but I think I’ll try and stay up if I can, if only because I seem to have a lot of things still to finish up before the end of the year!
- bit of writing
- bit of piano
- Shopping: towels! presents, food
- journal/thinky time
- finish off piano hours
- bit of singing?
- find last form and submit tax return
- kanji testing (throughout the day – still got 28 pages to do argh)
- More writing time tonight if B falls asleep 😉
And here are my top-ten goals for 2013:
1) NEVER get depressed.
2) Weigh 140 (2lb/wk) [sub-goal: 70kg by mid-Nov, 1kg/wk] [sub-goal: LWY by start of Spring/2Q] [sub-goal: sub-200 by birthday] Never have a week losing less than 2lb.
3) Observe an exercise regime and meal programme that works for me and ticks over in the background. Never have a wholly sedentary day. Never have a week where I miss my base-line (4×4)
4) Combined practice target of 720-730 hours or more (15h/week on average)
5) Finish writing 3rd album and record (acoustic)
6) Be gig-ready on guitar
7) Learn the rest of my 常用漢字 (standard kanji) and be able to write any character from the reading/meaning
8) Read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in Russian
9) Pay off our remaining debt
10) Keep an immaculate and inspiring home
Quite a long rambling post I’m afraid…
2013 is unknown. A baby is arriving. M and I and the baby together 24/7. I hope for happiness and balance but I know there will be really trying times and neither of us have any idea of what we will be doing and I imagine reality will be very difficult.
Courage is my word for 2013. It seems a strong but calming word. We are both quite stubborn and hate to be seen not knowing how to do things. M even got frustrated 2 secs after not being able to open the push chair – how will he – or I – cope with dirty nappies / screaming / breast feeding?!?!?!
This word makes me feel supported – its somehow chivalrous – reminds me of days of yonder. I like days of yonder even if they didn’t have proper plumbing or Sky+.
I like that it also feels calming – it’s almost like I can hear the big lion from the lion witch and the wardrobe say ‘have courage’ when ever I think of this word. I got up quite early today…
I want to obviously be a family but I don’t want either of us to lose ourselves or each other. I want to still have the courage to pursue goals, keep moving forward and retain some of us and ‘me’. I’ve seen so many people, friends just morph into someones mum and I don’t want that to be all we are about. I want to have the courage not to be made to feel selfish for already feeling this way, especially when I know I fell in love with this baby before the 12 wk scan/knowing the test outcome. I already knew I wanted it whatever the tests said. So I know I’m not indifferent or uncaring – I want the courage to be able to trust myself and not be influenced by others and their opinions.
- Book 20-25 big jobs – great clients and visually interesting. New locations would be a real bonus. The 11 or so I have set for 2013 are greatly appreciated but (unfortunately) nothing too exciting.
- Technically keep pushing forward, lighting, use the Z&J tutorials and aim to do something new at each job
- The Big Project – Make this happen. From Feb start trying to work on this and organise. This could be a real success.
- Food – I really want to do some food photography, I say it each year but I need to plan how I can get this moving forward
- The E Blog, 1 year at least as a record for myself and us of Baby E
- BL Blog – help M as much as possible to get this off the ground. I really think it has so much potential but I can’t do it as well
- As I will be the main source of income, I can tend to find the responsibility and pressure a bit overwhelming, I can fret about money and bills and outgoings. I need to work enough but not burn out, it can’t be all that I do and I miss out on the family. So balance will be important and using the word NO equally so. No Freebies this year. It’s about time I valued what I do.
Home & Family
- My main hope Baby E is healthy, happy and good, I hope we can achieve this
- Whether this is achievable or not but as there will be two of us, that we take turns to have Space, Sleep, Play and Be. So neither of us gets burnt out and become screamy, ratty parents. (at least not 24/7)
- I’m hoping we can get E sleeping through the night, following the French method after a few months rather than a few years! I think sleep will be key in keeping the home calm and happy.
- Allow help. Accept we can’t or don’t have to do everything ourselves. I’m pretty sure my mum would be happy to have E once a week. I’d like M & I to do something just the two of us once a week / once a fortnight. Maybe after the first couple of months. Even if it’s to see a matinee film on a Wednesday afternoon.
- Put the bloody pictures up on the wall – it’s been about 3 years
- Get back to pre-baby weight April – May
- Go back to Yoga, twice a week, if I go to the 630am class that shouldn’t interfere too much with Es timings etc
- M needs to get back to his pre-baby weight (he gave up smoking, which I’m very, very proud and relieved by) so he needs to join a PAYG gym which will also support our goal of having some space and time away from the home
- Once a week, walk to C it’s 45 mins there and back we take E and have a coffee as a reward for getting there.
- Coffee – stay on the baby restrictions of 1-2 a day. I don’t want to go back to my 8 cups a day habit
- Everyone keeps telling us there will be no time to eat when the baby first comes home, friends and family should be bringing us food parcels. It’s really hard to imagine that there will be no time to eat?! Either way we both need to make healthier choices. Home cooking is key
- at least 4 nights a week home cooked paleo dinners (carb free seems to suit us better in the evening)
- keep the fridge stocked up with sandwich fillers/salad bits, a proper home made sandwich/salad during the day has to be better than chocolate, crap and crisps
- Evening snacking – both our downfalls – stop buying chocolate, crap and crisps and go for fruit, nuts, hot drinks etc if we both still feel the need to eat
- Budgets and Savings will be so important in 2013 if we are going to make our stay at home arrangement work.
- Weekly accounts review / we need to check the bank accounts weekly.
- M to do the work accounts without fail every month so we can track our outgoings, incomings.
- Space wise, by the end of 2013 we may need to think about moving – so we need to see if we can also save this year. Set up a separate account possibly around March when work funds start coming in. As well as continue to put aside Tax savings for Jan 2014.
And a sprinkling of…
Happy Things not to be lost sight of…
- Making Stuff, Crochet, Knitting and Sewing
- Film Photography (was already doing a little bit but I want 2013 to be full of it!)
- Travel, we have a job booked in June in Italy, E will have their first holiday in greater London and we have 3 days away. Make the most of it.
- Revisit Cheltenham, day in Brighton
- Have a proper sunshine holiday