calypte 12th September

Hi gang! Finding it harder to keep up with FTF lists on days that I’m back at work – seems odd making the list mid-afternoon! Return is going well, I think. Every time I think it’s just too slow, I end up feeling exhausted and glad I’m able to escape! And super glad that boss is being *very* good with not overwhelming me.

I’m really having to learn to accept my limitations at the moment. I’m sure from the outside it’s all super-obvious, but even experiencing things like the above I’m still feeling weird that I’m not just ‘normal’ already and why is no one challenging me with all of these half days, etc?! It’s strange how blind we can be to our own state, or even if we do ‘see’ it (I’m getting there!) it still doesn’t always resonate. For instance, Friday I really REALLY lost my temper with my new phone not working – totally out of proportion, but even though I could see that even while I was ranting, I just couldn’t stop myself. I know it’s all about stress levels, but still – very odd. And then Saturday I got really quite depressed, and decided it was because I was single – what?! That is not like me at all (and not something I’d admit to any other group, btw!!). Going to go with: I’m just not really ‘me’ all the time at the moment, and that has to be okay. I’m not yet sure who I am going to be when all this settles down, but that it’s going to be a different ‘me’ is perhaps not surprising.

I’m finding a lot of comfort in things like blogging and cooking, where I’m in control. And also reminding myself that change can be for the good. The utter shock of this year has jolted me out of several bad habits, which is actually great! Yes, the cost was kind of high, but there is a lot of freedom in facing a bit of a fresh start – if I can make the most of it!

Anyway. Feels like a busyish week (and getting busier in the next few, eek!), so the list is happening more on that level.

  • Monday:
    • the advice from the start was to do fun stuff on my afternoons/days off – and I’ve been failing utterly! So today I’m using my afternoon off to go to the cinema 🙂
    • tai chi – will see, tbh, I’m shattered!
  • Tuesday:
    • I’d love to say I *am* going to the Hush Hour event, but I rather suspect I’ll wimp out as too tired! HH is a weird-and-oddly-appealing quiet time of reading in a bar, with a cocktail.
  • Wednesday:
    • sort car insurance! My biggest chore for the week
  • Thursday:
    • LwLS 3, looking forward to it 🙂
    • Nano – week I said I’d not skip
  • Friday:
    • heading home after work to collect my car and be fed cake 😉



Comments on: "calypte 12th September" (2)

  1. It’s not surprising at all that you are feeling so many emotions and a lot of fatigue. Hang in there and keep on processing all the feelings. It will be excited to see who you are when you get to the other side. 🙂

  2. I agree with wren, you’ve been through so much this year it’s bound to have an effect on you. I actually find my mood goes up and down a lot especially at the weekend, when I’m more likely to be alone, I just don’t talk about it much on here. You’ll get through this, and blogging and cooking are nice soothing activities to keep you occupied! 🙂

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