Such a big day for me yesterday, between my return to work and the first of the Where Now? course at the Maggie’s centre. Former was okay-ish (I’m a little worried I’ve gone back too soon: HR are being amazing, but I wasn’t ready for boss to be a bit pushy 😦 ) but the latter was amazing. I think I might have to admit ‘I need therapy’?!
Most of it is just dealing with what’s happened – and not just the past four months, but hell, this is the third time I’ve had (and survived, let’s not forget!!) cancer and yes that is pretty damn huge. While I might not have had to go through the horrors of chemo or radiotherapy this time that doesn’t really minimise the psychological stress, or the fact that I didn’t really deal with that last time around. So if I need permission to be a bit of a flaky mess, then I’m kind of allowed it, right!?
Which isn’t to say I’m wallowing in self-pity, but oh the catharsis of just stopping being ‘strong’ for a bit and allowing the emotional kick to happen. And then the hope, that this is just what I need, plus the guidance on things like exercise, nutrition, etc to sort my life out – not just to where it was six months ago (say), but the stuff that wasn’t sorted before the cancer (and really, is ‘before’ six months or 15 years ago?!).
So. Nothing ‘sorted’ yet, but made a small step. Couple of steps. Now to do what I can, and see how it goes.