Hello everyone! Been continuing to read your updates avidly! I should post lists here more often but I find that the days are quite haphazard, I’ll either have days booked out with work or rehearsals with no real chance to address the to-do list, or there’ll be a haphazard collection of things that need prioritizing – the latter is the type of day to make a list I guess!
Just spent a whole ten minutes in an appraisal meeting with my boss – job seems very easy but that’s in comparison to having been studying for so many papers last year. A year ago I was in the last month of prep for exam season hell and I am still so much enjoying not having to do that! Not got very far with thinking about future career prospects, but a couple of musicians have asked for help on their taxes so that might be an area I can build into organically over the long term.
All things music continue to go well, it always feels like there’s a lot in the pipeline, I’m writing a lot and working on recordings for various projects but not working hard enough on the publicity side of things. Got a string of good gigs coming up through June and July, so hoping that’ll raise my profile, get me into bigger gigs, and that I’ll be able to record some stuff to release around the same time. Still playing it largely by ear (ha) and taking all the opportunities that come.
One big thing that happened yesterday was that I left therapy, for good. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I’ve only been going sporadically since February but it just suddenly hit me a couple of nights ago that I was ready. It was an incredibly sweet final meeting and it’s very strange and a little sad to think I may well not see him again, after spending so much of this crucial life-changing period under his wing, but I feel ready to take care of myself and it’s exciting that I feel able to do that after having really felt like I needed the support for two years. It was an invaluable process, and although I’m not leaving with the “perfect” life I suppose I envisaged, I am leaving with a life that feels like my own, and is very much worth living. Above all I learned how to build relationships where I can be myself and feel how I want to feel about myself, and that was what made the most difference – I feel quietly convinced that I will find my own solutions for everything else.
So if that was day zero, this is day 1, out on my own in the big wide world. I couldn’t have imagined at the beginning of the year how I would get to this point, and it is a big deal – nothing’s changed, but everything’s shifted, very slightly. I have an ongoing self-esteem project alongside my practical projects and guess I’ll be focused on nurturing my relationships – with myself, and others – with as much focus as I apply to my “real life” goals.
For today, I have work to finish up, a new kanji project that I started last week, and tonight there’s a big gig happening with a bunch of people I know, so it’ll be a lovely evening hanging out, enjoying friendships and some excellent music at the same time! Tend self-esteem further on the train home and leave myself some overnight motivation to get up for swimming tomorrow!