First off, Wren! So sorry to hear about your further surgery and cast and everything – hope it all heals properly and quickly this time xx
I’ve been away because there’s been too much going on to really process into an FTF. My friend in hospital passed away, two weeks ago today – four days after I went to see her. They broke the news that she was probably in terminal decline that day when I was there with her husband, which meant I had an inkling (though she didn’t) that it might be the the last time I would see her. They’re both so incredibly brave. The past two weeks have had a very strange trance-like quality; it’s my first real experience of losing someone really close to me and on the whole I think grief has let me off fairly easy so far, I have been unbelievably sad at times, but I have a lot to be grateful for as well. It’s been an interesting time for deepening friendships, learning to lean on and support people, reflecting on life and priorities and I’ve had one focus that’s been getting me through it: music, of course. Yesterday we held a service in celebration of her life (not a funeral and not goodbye) and there was a choir that sang an arrangement I’d written of this song: https://youtu.be/h-6iyxsvAfY – it was a great opportunity to do something meaningful, and working with the choir was really uplifting, they’re all so lovely!
So I guess though the process of getting used to life without T is just beginning, the immediate focus of making sure everything went as well as it could for her memorial is over and rightly or wrongly today feels like getting back to life and picking up the loose ends of the things that I was doing in January. It feels like some of the things that mattered then may not matter as much now, and I have a lot of therapy-type material to work through (though I’m doing more of that in my actual relationships and less in therapy, which is a good trend). Taking it one day at a time and working things out as I go.
* Easy start to the morning, lie in (absolutely wiped after yesterday!) printed scrapbook pics, played a couple of songs
* sort out what’s going on at work and try to make sure I’m vaguely on top of things
* start to make a list of all the other things and see what feels important
* home, music, dinner with B